Parenting: ‘90s Style.
I’ve spent my fair share of time criticizing the choices of my parents’ generation.
Ask any ‘90s kid and they’ll tell you at least one story that make you wonder how they never received a visit from Child Protective Services.
I know it seem like such a cop out, but when they say “It was a different” time - IT WAS A DIFFERENT TIME.
That’s why I’ve forgiven my parents for their missteps. They were doing the best they could with what they knew. Which wasn’t much. Their parents were pretty much winging it, too.
They didn’t get everything wrong. In fact, I’d say they did better than most. Whether it was intentional or pure coincidence, my parents instituted practices that are now proven by scientific research to be beneficial for childhood development.
That’s not to say there isn’t room for improvement, though.
Take neighborhood exploration, for example.
In the 1990s, we’d come home from school, do our homework, and. maybe watch a few minutes of cartoons before we headed out our front door, not to be seen again until dinner time. (Or sometimes even later!).
We got exercise, built friendships, and developed our independence. It was great!
Now that my two oldest kids are 8 and 6, we’ve got them following in our footsteps. We’ve just made two major changes from our childhood:
1`. Safety - I never wore a helmet when I was a kid. I put in hundreds of miles on my Huffy with my noodle completely unprotected. I’m really lucky I never had a traumatic brain injury (Those came later in life). Or worse. I don’t remember if my parents tried to get me to wear one and I ignored them or if I even owned one at all. I just know I never wore mine. So when. my kids ask to explore our neighborhood on their bikes, I’ve made it a point to make sure they understand that wearing a helmet is 100% non-negotiable.
2. Communication - Even in the era before cell phones, my parents never asked me where I was going. They were just happy I was out of the house! Before our kids leave, we make sure to know where they’re going. We also clearly define our expectations so that they know where their boundaries are. That’s not to say that they’re always going to adhere to those boundaries (They’re kids, after all) but it’s important to us that we set that precedent.
I’m not suggesting that you put your kids in danger. If you live an area that isn’t safe to roam, then by all means don’t follow my lead. If you’re privileged enough to live somewhere like we do with bike friendly streets and neighbors that you know and trust. then I say - Go for it!
I want to raise confident and self-sufficient kids who can handle themselves in the real world. In order to do that, I have to get uncomfortable as a parent and let them go. Because when you allow your kids to do things without the supervision of a parent, you’re showing them that you trust them. That they’re big enough to do things by themselves. That goes a long way for a kid’s self esteem.
I think as grown ups we often underestimate what these tiny little humans are capable of. In order for us to allow themselves to fulfill their potential, we have to stop hovering over them all the time. We have to believe that they can take care of themselves.
The only way they’ll be able to prove that is if you give them the chance.
So do it!
-Eric
